Flash! Fiction is Fake! Section To Be Deleted

Libraries are at the forefront of the battle against so-called fake news and the Larchmont Public Library is doing its part. “I was shocked to learn that not one book in the fiction section is factual,” Director Laura Eckley stated. “It’s all made up. Somebody sat down and wrote it right out of ideas in their head. Just like that!”
The Library will begin by deaccessioning obviously fake titles such as A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court. “I mean Connecticut wasn’t even discovered when King Arthur was around. Hello! It’s a no-brainer,” Eckley explained. “I have it on good authority that the author didn’t even have the courage to use his real name when he wrote this stuff,”  she added.

Other titles in the Fiction section warrant closer looks. “Right now I’m searching various databases to see if there’s any mention of this Anna Karenina person. If, for example, we find an obituary in ancestry.com, that militates towards adding the book to Biography rather than discarding it,” said Head of Reference Liam Hegarty. “I kind of hope we do find something,” he said. “It’s been a real popular book over the years and it would be a shame to throw it out.”

Librarian Frank Connelly took the news particularly hard for the section was his responsibility. “You spend your life’s blood building up a collection and then all of a sudden you’re told it’s all a lie,” he said resentfully. “I did nothing wrong.”

Eckley rejected calls that she discipline Connelly. “Look, Frank is a delightful anachronism and what we’ve got here is failure to communicate. I’ve offered him a leave (unpaid of course) to get his mind right, but he’s refused. That’s just the kind of information warrior Frank is and I honor him for it.”